Monthly Archives: July 2023

Show Don’t Tell – in a Nutshell

Show don’t tell. What do you see?
Show don’t tell. What do you see?

Most stories comprise of both telling and showing. If telling explains, simplifies and summarises by compressing time and space, showing reveals and dramatises, allowing readers or audiences to piece things together for themselves. Let’s look at five ways, with examples, of how to show not tell:

1. Narration

Sometimes a writer compresses actions and events through narration to speed up a story. Even so, catapulting the reader into the scene by showing rather than telling, even in narration, can increase reader involvement.

Telling: The boy felt terror when he heard his uncle, cane in hand no doubt, approaching his room. He always came to his room with his cane. The boy’s tiny stomach contracted into an even tighter knot and his fear grew.

Showing: The boy heard his uncle’s footsteps grow louder. He squeezed his eyes shut. The cane swooshed through the air, each practice stroke sounding closer. He pressed his palms against his ears, and, shivering, counted back from ten.

2. Dialogue

Dialogue, especially subtext dialogue, can reveal a layer beneath the literal meaning of the words.

Telling: “You thought I wouldn’t notice, Tommy? The number of coins in the orange pot on the top shelf? The pot I thought you couldn’t reach? You think I’m stupid? You thieving, ungrateful brat.”

Showing: “Get a load of this, Tommy. Ferguson caught his nephew stealing from his wallet. Thrashed him real bad. Should’ve cut his hand off, I says. Boys shouldn’t steal. Anyways, fetch that orange pot from the kitchen cupboard, will you? On the top shelf. The one with the money you pretend not to know is there.”

3. Setting

A setting that uses vivid sensory details can help the writer to show not tell by having the characters, hence the reader, experience the environment through the senses more directly.

Telling: The angry, ominous Arcus clouds were full of lightning. A terrifying storm was brewing. He had never feared storms before. But he feared this one. He feared he would not survive—unless he could tie the loose sails back on the mast before the storm hit.

Showing: The boat bucked under his feet and lightning lit up the Arcus clouds. Loose sails hissed and flapped savagely above him like wounded behemoths. He’d have to secure them to the mast immediately or die trying.

“Show don’t tell is the indispensable technique of accomplished writing.”

4. Use Details – but not to many

Don’t be too ornate or over-descriptive. Less is more.

Too ornate: He was heavy-set, with thick eyebrows and the forehead of a Neanderthal, muscles bulging with the threat of deadly violence, and a voice as gruff as a wheel-less barrow grating on cold grey concrete.

More apt (especially for a screenplay): He looked and sounded like a concrete truck churning over a full load.

5. Showing by describing action

Telling slows your story down. Yet, you still need to introduce characters, environments, and provide background information. So how to do it? Through action that shows while characterising or creating tension.

If you need to introduce a character who has to get from A to B on a train, instead of having him while away the time by describing the passengers and the thoughts this triggers, build tension by having him notice someone bothering another passenger through small actions—sniffing her hair, whispering in her ear, squeezing up against her, and the like. The scene will get you from A to B in no time while maintaining momentum.

Summary

Although telling is necessary in order to cover the large narrative terrain of a story, showing involves the reader or audience in a more direct way.

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Describing characters and Action

Describing characters and actions in GI JANE.
Describing characters and actions in GI JANE

In screenwriting, where economy of space is at a premium, it is important to write action and character descriptions crisply and effectively. Although this article applies mainly to screenwriters, novelists ought to take some of these suggestions to heart too.

In describing characters or incidents in the action block: a) Write in the present tense: the story is unfolding right in front of you after all. b) Be concise: Describe only what is essential to the character and the story. Limit your descriptions to three or four lines, or less. c) Cut to the chase—describe only the essence of an action or incident. d) Have every word count. Use strong nouns and verbs. Don’t bolster weak words with adverbs and adjectives—choose better verbs and nouns.

In his book Story Robert McKee implores us to write using only apt nouns and verbs that capture the essence of character and action. The words should immediately paint vivid pictures in the minds of the readers.

In GI JANE the character who propels the protagonist on her mission, a US senator, is described in this way:

‘DEHAVEN is a tough-hided old Southern-belle, Scarlett O’Hara at 60. In her arsenal she carries conversational hand-grenades — and she’s apt to pull a pin at the slightest whim.’

“Be concise and impactful in describing characters and action. Make every word count.”

This description not only imparts information about Dehaven, it conveys her attitude and general demeanour, too. Not bad for two sentences.

Sometimes even the shortest of descriptions will capture the essence of the character:

‘Slimy Piet is short, rough, with the hygiene of an army privy on a hot day.’

Notice how the use of a figure of speech makes us wrinkle our nose. Figures of speech, used as vehicles of exaggeration or comparison, are powerful conveyers of the writer’s attitude towards a character. They are communicators of atmosphere, attitude and detail. Use them sparingly, but do use them.

In writing action, too, we should also use every opportunity to characterise, and convey ‘posture’ and demeanour. Never waste the opportunity to pack as much as possible into a verb or noun: Never write ‘walk’ when you can write ‘saunter, stroll, meander, mosey, and wander. Or if more energy is required: stride, march, storm, dash, streak, and the like. Each of these words says much, and does it economically.

As an exercise unearth one of your neglected stories. Pour over each character description and action block and implement some of the suggestions on offer here.

Summary

Be concise, precise, and impactful in describing characters and actions. Your writing will be the better for it.

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Masters of Subtext

As Good as it Gets - Screenplay: James L. Brooks, Mark Andrus masters of subtext.
As Good as it Gets – Screenplay: James L. Brooks, Mark Andrus masters of subtext.

I just can’t stop talking about the necessity of becoming absolute masters of subtext. Dialogue that ripples with subtext jumps right out of the page and declares to the reader—I am an accomplished writer. Keep reading.

If direct dialogue tells us about the literal meaning of the words—their denotation—subtext reveals the meaning behind the words—their connotation. Subtext is a far more engaging way of having the character reveal information because it lets the reader or audience into a secret, or at least, into the deeper layer of meaning that makes them feel more connected to the characters and the story. It does not spoon-feed the reader, as would direct dialogue.

“Masters of subtext stand out from the crowd. They are consummate writers of dramatic speech.”

There are many ways to write subtext, one of the most important being The Cover-Up. It may use a change of subject, a lie, a misdirection, a question, a threat, and the like, to achieve its goal. These techniques occur downstream, but first let me remind everyone that there are three chief areas to any dramatic text: 1. direct text, 2. its deeper meaning, and 3. when this meaning is to be conveyed to the reader or audience.

In As good as it Gets, we see Melvyn, who despises dogs, put the neighbour’s animal down the garbage chute in the hallway outside his apartment. We should note that the subtext can be (1) revealed before the actual subtext dialogue occurs, (2) during or (3) after the dialogue. Notice that here we already know that Melvyn has done the deed before the exchange with his neighbour, so we experience it as a Cover-Up.

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING (NEW YORK), HALLWAY – NIGHT

SIMON, the dog’s owner, rushes down the hall just as Melvyn is about to enter his apartment.

SIMON: Verdell? Here, good doggie…

He notices Melvyn at the end of the hall.

SIMON: Mr Udhall…excuse me. Hey there! Have you seen Verdell?

MELVYN: What’s he look like?

Here, Melvyn uses the technique of The Cover-Up by asking a question. But since we already know that he has stuffed the dog down the chute we know that he is lying. To spell it out: Melvyn’s denotation is: ‘What’s he look like’, feigning engagement. But the actual meaning is: ‘I got rid of your dog and I’ll lie so as not to get caught.’

Imagine if the scene had started with Simon looking for his dog. Melvyn’s question about what the dog looks like would then appear as if he was being helpful. When the truth was revealed later that Melvyn did indeed do it, the subtext would arise introspectively. Both instances would involve subtext, but the former is perhaps stronger because it occurs at the present moment. But that is something for you to decide in each particular instance.

SIMON: My dog…you know, I mean my little dog with the adorable face… Don’t you know what my dog looks like?

MELVYN: I got it. You’re talking about your dog. I thought that was the name of the colored man I’ve been seeing in the hall.

Again, because we know that Melvyn is the culprit, we experience the deception more acutely—every line promotes the Cover-Up, which demonstrates the sort of man he is. In other words, we learn far more about his character from the subtext than direct, denotative speech could reveal. Such is its power.

Summary

Masters of subtext – the sure sign of the accomplished writers. Study its various techniques until you master them fully.

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What is the meaning of your story?

300: Courage and self-sacrifice of the few ultimately leads to the survival of the many.
300: The courage and self-sacrifice of the few leads to the survival of the many.

How do we inject meaning into our stories? Do we even care about meaning, over and above writing a rollicking good tale? We should. There is a specific meaning to every story, whether we intend it or not. Let me explain.

If we have a theme or moral premise in mind—such as greed leads to unhappiness, or unfettered technology leads to the destruction of the natural world, then we can point our story in that direction through the actions of our characters and their consequences. But even if we haven’t thought about the theme at all, choosing instead to concentrate on the surface layer of the tale—its plot, meaning will nevertheless arise in the story by virtue of what happens to the characters who hold certain views.

“The winner of the conflict between the protagonist and antagonist ‘proves’ the theme or moral premise, which in turn provides the meaning of the tale.”

If, say, our protagonist espouses self-sacrifice and nobility as virtues and he defeats the antagonist who espouses selfishness and vengeance, then you as a writer are saying that self-sacrifice and nobility trumps selfishness and vengeance. If the antagonist defeats the protagonist then your claim is that selfishness and vengeance defeats self-sacrifice and nobility. You are saying that the world is a place where the ruthless and self-serving win—a Godless world devoid of transcendent values.

If that’s what you mean to say, well and good—it’s your story after all. But if you haven’t thought about the ending of your story as the place where the final clash occurs— where one character who represents one set of values defeats another who represents contrary values, then you risk saying something you never intended. Like a ship without a radder your story could end up on the rocks.

Summary
The meaning of a story is coiled up inside its theme or moral premise. It manifests through who wins or loses in the story.

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Character dialogue – how to improve it right away

Character dialogue in Linda Seger’s How to Write Unforgettable characters.
Character dialogue: the art and craft of effective story-telling.

Learning how to write great dialogue includes learning how to listen to people engaged in conversations of all sorts, watching movies, reading novels, plays and screenplays noted for their excellent dialogue, and always reading newly-minted dialogue out loud. Speaking it is important because it helps you get a handle on the sounds and rhythms and flow of the speech.

Linda Seger refers to dialogue as the music of fiction writing. Dialogue should contain flowing melodic patterns, whether staccato or legato, which follow changing rhythms, much like music does. Writers have to develop an ear for this if they are to write dialogue that conveys the emotions, attitudes and values of individual characters.

“Character dialogue is indispensable to any story. Mastering its use will go a long way to making you an accomplished writer.”

In her book, Creating Unforgettable Characters, Seger suggest that in preparing to write dialogue you ought to ask the following questions:

1. Have you defined characters through their speech rhythms, vocabulary, accent, and the length of their sentences?

2. Does the dialogue contain conflict? Does it contrast the attitudes and values of the different characters?

3. Does the dialogue bristle with subtext? In other words, does the denotation of the words differ from the connotation—is there a deeper and often contrary meaning under the surface of the speech?

4. Does the dialogue reveal or hint at the ethnic and general background of the characters? Their level of education, age, and social background?

5. Is each character’s dialogue distinct? In other words, if the speech tags in the novel or screenplay suddenly disappeared, could you still recognise who was speaking?

Although there is much more to becoming a master of dialogue, these five suggestions will certainly help you improve the quality of your craft.

Summary

There are many approaches to improving your writing. Focusing on character and dialogue is one of them.

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